apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
