I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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