just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
The adults are the big ones right?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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