How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
