I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
