My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
