Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
