PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
