I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
