$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
