remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
