i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
