there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
