Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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