Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
