Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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