Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
