My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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