Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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