I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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