Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
