Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
