I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
