I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
