dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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