it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
