he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
you inspire me to be a worse person
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
