We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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