Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
