Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
