Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
