it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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