I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
