Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
