someone threw a dead crab at me
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
