I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He? As in you personified your dick?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize