2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
