Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
