Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
