Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
