I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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