When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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