he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
