No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
