ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Man, jail baloney is awful.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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