If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
