Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
