Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Randomize
