do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
