I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
