By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
