I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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