i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
