shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
