Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
