it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
