When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
