it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
